One of my favorite quotes is as follows;

"Anger is a necessary part of the dance of love. Think of clean anger as the voice of the wise serpent on the early American flag who says, "Don't tread on me." Without anger we have no fire, no thunder and lightning to defend the sanctuary of the self. No anger = no boundaries = no passion.

Honor your anger. But before you express it, sort out the righteous from the unrighteous. Immediately after a storm, the water is muddy; rage is indiscriminate. It takes time to discriminate, for the mud to settle. But once the stream runs clear, express your outrage against any who have violated your being." Sam Keen--Fire in the Belly

I have tried to keep this principle close to me since I first read it in 1991. That has not always been easy to do because I am American and was raised by a patriotic father in a culture geared towards sports which is rooted in competition. Anger was something I called upon when I wanted to get something accomplished like winning a football game, a boxing match, or determining to finish any difficult task.

In my early years, anger was my friend because it served me well in achievement of goals stated above. However, as I became older, I found angers virtues would abandon me as I summoned it's powers on more and more occasions. Before I knew it, I was yelling and demanding right-hood loudly, using my anger to drive my points home. Arguing simply to argue.

Since 1991 I have decided to change my relationship with my anger. Understanding my anger resides within me and will never leave, I have made the transition to being slower and much more reluctant to invoke anger. That transition has made my life more pleasant, not just in my view, but also in the opinion of those who are stuck knowing me as well as those who love me.

I'm sure most of you are not interested in my past and so I will spare you any more of it.

My question in this thread is; 'what is anger to you and what is your relationship with it? Do you trust your anger? Are you sure you understand you anger?'

Anger is just another emotion that has to be checked against reason.

For me to get angry at something I means it didn't meet my expectations. I am very aware of when I am angry and I will always investigate why I am angry at something and what role I had in it.

I had a violent past of sorts. Hard time at school as well as a few violent personal relationships. I have had a long time to reflect on my actions and those of others. I am not afraid of anger or getting angry. For me I am conditioned to take notice of the anger before it gets to fester.

It started off with 'that time of the month' where I would get so annoyed at everything and have no idea why. After a while I would simply go "Why on earth am I so short with everything?!?!?...... oh, right, I am due for my period, well that makes sense" and I was able to understand the frustration and in merely understanding it I was able to keep it under control.

I do the same today with my partner and children. I will always know WHY I get angry at something and I will always own my part in that (did I expect something I shouldn't have, could they help what they did, should I be more understanding, etc etc) and analyse it, rather than just getting angry and placing the blame on everyone but me.

Anger is an important emotion. Always has been and always will be in my view. It is when people have no understanding of it that we get into trouble I believe.

Those you let share your life are lucky people. You sound like a wise and mature person.

Anger is a result of fear. If I am angry I think and work out what it is that is scaring me. It is usually small things that I subconsciously ignore, whether through habit or instinct.
I understand not only what my anger is, but where it comes from and I stop it.

For me, anger saps my energy, and eats away at my ability to think clearly. Like fear, I've always tried to neutralize it when I see it taking root, with humor. Although I generally trust my instincts and emotions, I don't always trust myself if I'm angry to handle a situation in a good way or figure anything out. Otherwise, I have to do extra work fixing a smashed computer after I cool off (jk)

Although I like your advice... not to wholly suppress anger or invoke it, but finding a good middle ground. Instincts are, after all, instincts for a reason, and should be trusted.

Thanks, Kevin.

I believe there are primal emotions or feeling and anger is one along with fear, sorrow, happiness, humor and some others. I believe everything we do, create, find strength in and try to achieve is tied to one or more of these somehow. That has at least been what I have found in myself.

There are many different descriptions of what resides within us from the beginning, both from a denial standpoint and from a place of recognition.

I like to say that I have various guest that have taken residence in me, some welcome and some that are not. There's no getting rid if them so I might as well try to let them all cohabitate as friendly as possible. They are all right there at the forefront vying for center stage.

These emotions know how to disguise themselves quite well too. I've watched my fear masquerade as intellect and my anger stick it's chest out and march around as pride.