I bring this to the table because I am presently reading a book on soulmates. I was wondering if there are those who are living thier perfect mate dreams throughout a relationship. I remember that tune from long ago expressing other possibilities as well.

Its so sad to belong to someonelse when the right one comes along.

I would say, but the right one is suppose to be the one your married to..

welcome to reality, divorce in 1990, surprise...

You can delight in more highlights with a relationship if you yourself have a healhthy and positive outlook for your own individualtiy. Its weighing what it is you desire in view and depth over to that which is exposed in an individual. In short..I am married to a person who has the gift of acts of service if you will...not a communicator, but gets the job done and gets it done right. My best friend however,,married to a communicator,,travels everywhere with her, always by her side, great friend, but nothing and I mean nothing gets taken care of. So it is weighing in the balance a desire of what you feel you truly need. I think the soulmate concept is a rarety, but do I beleive it exist, most certainly, its just rare...I wonder the secrets of the soulmates,,is it born in them to know? or is it a growing factor as with most, that is to say..learning to live with one another? I'm passive assertive, my husband is aggressive, cant imagine two aggressive people living together, that surely is not a soulmate number...

Sherri

I think commitment is a choice that you make, and you choose to break. And breaking commitments is a real sign of weakness of character ... but that's just my opinion.

I'm also a complete non-believer in 'one true love' nonsense. Love is something that can be both grown and cultivated.

For those that read (I regrettably no longer ever seem to get time to do so), I highly recommend The Road Less Travelled, my M Scott Peck. Peck was a Christian, but not dogmatically so, which is a fine and rare quality (so many religious folks are more concerned with making everyone else share their views than they are about living the life their faiths outline they should). This summary of the book from wikipedia describes it well:

M. Scott Peck - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

For those that read (I regrettably no longer ever seem to get time to do so), I highly recommend The Road Less Travelled, my M Scott Peck. Peck was a Christian, but not dogmatically so, which is a fine and rare quality (so many religious folks are more concerned with making everyone else share their views than they are about living the life their faiths outline they should). This summary of the book from wikipedia describes it well:


Hey Kevin, yes this book is one I read quite sometime back...its excellent, a little like Hinds Feet in High Places, I lended out more than about 6 books to people and they have not as of yet given them back...makes me want to read them again...must finish the Soul Mates first...but ya the Road Less Traveled is quite insightful..now if I can remember who I lended that too...its been awhile.

Sherri

Hmmmm, Soul Mate, well was a believer at one time in my life, but the person I thought was mine is no longer in my life, and to be honest, i'm grateful for unanswered prayers. Dont get me wrong, I loved him with all my heart, would have even given my life for him and for his happiness. Deep down I know he is still a wonderful person and deserves to be happy, but with someone else. Though I had a very long and hard time understanding that cause I thought and was so sure that he was my soul mate. Could be that he is/was mine, but doesnt mean that I was/is his.
Now, at time when the person I look at makes me so angry that when I look at him I could spit nails, or some of his little quirky things drive me mad almost as bad as fingernails on a chalkboard, or when he asks for a hug after an argument that I could swear he not only started but was totally wrong on, and i wish i could bear hug him til he falls to his knees, this is the man who asked me out 5 times before i said yes because i was so sure my 'soul mate' was going to come to his senses and find that he did love me truly and plead forgiveness, that on the 6th attempt I agreed to lunch with him. Now I realize that i did find the right man. I went through the worst turmoil and pain imaginable, learned rights and wrongs, learned a little about myself, where I was and what I did and did not want, and this man patiently waited for me to be ready on my time, not his. There are times where I am completely weak in the knees, and he isn't even near me, he's just glancing at me from across the room. We are not in any way the perfect couple, we are learning and growing each moment together or apart, but the one thing I do know is that i dont have to second guess if he really knows me, in fact he knows me more than i know myself sometimes.
You see, the person i thought was my soulmate was/is a drinker, although looking back now I didnt think too much of it, but after a conversation we had about people i'd known while we were together, but he didn't remember introducing us, it was then that I realized, through most if not all of our relationship he was drinking or drunk, so he never truly knows or even got to know me. And everything now that he doesn't remember and now blames me for continuously is what he saw or believed at the time drunk. So perhaps I am with my soulmate, maybe not, but I know this relationship is completely honest and we are truly getting to know each other.
I hold no ill-will against the ex, in fact I truly hope he finds happiness like I have, he deserves it.

Hey bad puter, would have quoted you but it was long so I am just adding this...I guess there was no closure on the ex, being he was anebreated most of your time together..you may never know...sometimes the co-dependency is all about living with the drunkeness and not knowing the difference because the sobriety of the said individual may be something you would rather not encounter in this life, sound strange? well let me just say I can relate..

If your bounty with apples of gold have now surfaced with the new man, then just take one day at a time, newness wears off after a year..so the true colors are revealed, if he is still even keyed and stable, he may very well be a keeper..just be sure to weigh in the balance..< no kidding on this...the more positive in what you need, dont waver..never settle for less than what you really want..because this is your life and wow its ever so short here on earth...

Good luck
Sherri

just to answer a few of the pm's, think this will help with all...
The current man and I have been over a year now. As I wasn't too sure of where I was in life at the time we met, it took 6 times of him asking me out before I agreed to lunch, so really didnt jump in with both feet.

As for the ex, possible that there isn't full closure, perhaps with him, but for me there is, finally. And yes, I considered meeting with and talking to him face to face on several issues, in fact had the opportunity many times. Also considered writing to him and listing all the issues. But I never did either, and thankfully so. The last time we spoke was right before the new year, and it was then that i realized, he really has no recollection of our past, literally. He may know a few things, but thats it. And no, I don't feel that it was a waste in my life. In fact the 3 or 4 months that we spent together when he tried to sober up was the best time in our relationship, and its what reminds me of who he really is, not what he is when he's drunk.
The way I see it, I don't think im making excuses for his drinking, nor am I ignoring what happened during that time. But I too had a responsibility to not only myself, to the relationship, but to him. I am not a drinker, I had the option of either staying with him, or leaving the situation after it kept going back and forth. So I own this one. I chose to stay and work it out. Perhaps believing that I could change him in time. And knowing full well that it always went back to the drinking, as still is today, I now chose to keep my distance. He is full aware of my wish to talk to him about the past, but only now, when and if he wants to. He has ways in which he can contact me, I don't see the need any longer to continue to push something on him that in his mind didn't exist.

Hey...well I think you have taken your stand well, I had a few more bumps to cover with the past and my ex before I left, well children involved and all, so it too me some time to wake up out of that dilemma..Seems you nipped it in the bud early on and I commend you for this...now that takes guts..most women linger and waste a good portion of their lives but you chose to take the high road and its my hope that other females may see by your willingness to understand that life has more to offer may come into an understanding for their lives as well. Its a funny thing I too have met my soul mate..we did not marry though...I am married to a uhm..partial soulmate...he-he, but I know my find with the man I am committed to is a rare one in itself as well. You have to really sift through the offered packages out there, but not lose yourself in the process, in this you may find true love...yes I beleive it exist..

Sherri

@delilahjed44, thank you for the support....
Unfortunately it's easier put in words than actually the truth of all that happened. For me too there is a child involved. So, yes, the difficult matters have been there, but now that I have my head on straight, well as straight as possible, it's gotten easier with time to move on and learn from the experience. I've discovered, through him surprisingly, that its easier to hate someone than to admit not knowing. As my grandmother once said to me, It's one thing to be alone, it's another being lonely. With the man in my life now, neither of those exist anymore, and for that I love waking up each morning next to him.

I believe in soul mates. But more so in the literal term. My soul is best mates with my husbands soul and I hope they will be for a long time.

I have been in love before. I am still unable to tell if it actually was love, or if it was pure infatuation. I committed myself to a man and in doing so I lost myself. The relationship turned violent, nasty and spiteful, not to mention he found sexual interests somewhere else. That was where I drew the line. After breaking up I found out that I was pregnant with his child. I kept it, but stayed spilt up.
Breaking up didn't remove myself from his control and I grieved for the life I thought we were going to have (note, not reality, but what I had dreamed). I understood him as a human being and I accepted him as a broken soul. I was willing to help but he was interested in telling me what I wanted to hear, hiding his true self from me in fear of looking weak and doing what he wanted when he wanted, regardless of who he hurt.

So pretty much after this I was broken. To me you have a child with someone, you are with them for life. You don't get a second chance, etc etc etc

Well I did. I met a wonderful man. A great friend and someone who I could have fun with, all the while knowing he was giving himself to me in a pure form. He didn't hide himself and he didn't pretend. He just was. And I just was to him. After a few months of good friendship things happened and we ended up together in a romantic sense and had no problems committing to each other.

We have been through a lot. Deal with my ex and all his bullshit in the 'father vs mother' sense; as well as his constant verbal and physical abuse. My husband was even threatened and physically assault by my ex and still didn't blame me, but stood by me and supported me. Not to mention other hurdles that life throws at you that are far too personal to put on the internet. We now have three children between us and he is a wonderful father and a magical husband.

Right now I don't think life can get much better, but I know it will. Purely because he is my mate in life and we work hard in making sure each of us are happy, healthy, enriched and supported.

We are that couple. The one in every circle of friends that people gag when they think of us. We have known each other for 7 years and been together in a romantic sense for 6 and a half.

THIS is real love. THIS is what they talk about when they speak of soul mates. Married or not, I am with my soul mate and I will be working very hard to make sure it is for life (and beyond if there ends up being something after)

Hey Bad Puter you welcome..just true...


Wow...these are great comebacks, I am very encouraged, seems like true grit has placed an honor in the fight to stay happily married and in-love. Love is not something you feel always that is for sure, but..what goes around comes around comes around, its takes work and commitment by boths parties and its so cool to hear the the calm after the storm in this bringing a rainbow back into view...as I too lived in the engulfing sea of undertones, a Hell here on earth if you will with my own past experience...I truly dont know how I survived, by the grace of God is what I always accredit the outcome to. There are trials and tribulations with any two individuals being challenged to live together through out a lifetime...willingly at that..

I often remember my daughter and her ex, 4 years together, they were perfect in every sense of the word, and she held her virginity through the entire relationship..but the guy was partially deaf..everything was handed to him..literally, college paid,. employment to be, all free from the system..everything and he just kept blowing it...yet the two of them together were so beautiful, its a shame I never saw two more perfect people together....She eventually tired herself of his unwillingness to do something with his life, so she married someone else later in her life. You wouldnt believe...they are different as day and night, no-one can understand it...very odd, they struggle, so far so good. Life is funny like that..

I do know that I know...sometimes in life you find that one person you automatically clk with on almost every level without question..its not even about the newness wearing off, its just right there, the understanding, the intellect, the look, feel..dare I say your pulse reacting in a way you never felt before...you know that you know...but sometimes life isnt ready for where you are at to walk that extra mile just yet., never jump if your not ready, just dont find yourelf questioning it later on, make sure you cover all the loose ends per relationship. Easier said than done but definetly possible, for me...more stumbling blocks than stepping stones, ya the school of hard knocks literally.. The second half of my life has given me hope and freedom, love and support in a way I have never known..I too have been fortunate, sure wasted alot of years early on though...oh well..

Sherri

I found the closure that I needed, short of having what I thought was a breakdown, it was just the release of emotions that I needed. Although most people would say, 'She's just a dog', my emotional issue came with the information from the ex that he would need me to pick him up when he has to put her down. I didn't want to be his crutch anymore, so i didn't respond in a manner to proud of, so the guilt just got to me.
Then I heard 'I Believe' by Diamond Rio.
She knows I love her and always will, I found the strength I needed to say goodbye to both of them, so for me the song has 2 separate meanings, but the same outcome. Whether I am present or not, life moves forward, and I truly have.

Hi Puter!
I cant re-call if I mentioned this or not.. but as of late with my ex now imprisoned in a nursing home from sheer stupidity, dialysis 3 times a week and certain death before 50..now comes a possible call of relief..more for me than him. He arose to say to my daughter as she visited..I hope your mom doesnt think I am in here because of what I did to her..

WOW! admittance..as much as he will ever say..but he always denied abusing me and the kids, I mean simply and totally..as if it never existed, he would say I never hit you..man..that dude was ill...Now..he is incapacitated, cannot function on his own, has many hours to think..my oh my..

A little window of closure opened up for me as much as it will ever be..at least he acknowledges his mistakes..to me that sais alot..and most people would have to be horizontal before that actually takes place..he is one of them..reality check is what I call it..

Sherri

I do recall reading something to that effect...karma....

As for my ex, i do recall the occasional fall downs, forwards, backwards, etc... that seems to accompany the drinking. It use to worry me alot after we separated, thinking that if he fell and really hurt himself would anyone know? Once I came to my senses and remembered that I wasn't the only person or female that he contacts during his bouts of needing someone, I realized, um no, he'll be just fine, and now my concerns are based on those in my own backyard, so-to-speak....