Okay, I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for 8 months. He's very attentive, supportive, loving, passionate and all that I prayed for. The problem is that I only care for him, although deeply, in all honesty I don't feel like im in love with him.
My ex-boyfriend, who I haven't seen in over a year recently re-entered my life. And for the first time in 8 months i lied to my current about why i was going out. Although I went to see the ex, nothing but talk happened, honestly! Although I am not in love with the current, i couldn't nor would i ever cheat on him. However, there was a second time of seeing my ex, and the current was told that i needed to go to resolve issues, and again nothing happened, even the talking went in circles.
I am very much still in love with my ex. Unfortunately he is a drinker, so after having been subjected to alot of stuff from him over the years, what he tells me during his drinking time has no real meaning, cause its usually a line to make me believe he needs me and in the past i had forgotten that and would just be weak at the knees for him.
The current is very much aware of my ex and my feelings for him. Am I wrong not to give up my current relationship for being in love with my ex? Is that selfish? I have not seen the ex anymore, when we spoke last, i told him that he needed to sober up before calling me again to talk. I asked for him to be honest with himself about what he wants from me. If im being called because he's lonely and horny, i told him to call someone else. My biggest fear is that he will sober up, think and then call, what if he is really still in love with me and wants me back? I love him with all my heart, but i don't know if i'm willing to break the heart of the man im with just because he, the ex had a change of heart. What do I do, im soooooooooooooooo confused.!!!!1

I think you should stay with the guy you are with. You like him and he treats you well. That's worth a lot more than the "weak at the knees" feeling---which comes and goes like the weather. Why would you want to go back to a guy who can't put the bottle down? He's bad news. You know he's bad news or you wouldn't have written what you did. Stay with your current guy---he'll be the better choice in the long run.

Sounds to me like you aren't in love with either of them. You are still getting to know your boyfriend, who by all accounts is a good bloke to treats you well and you are in love with the idea of the man you want your ex to be.

If you were in love with your ex you would be with him and you wouldn't have any issues standing between you. It is clear by your posting that you are merely fascinated by the thought of the man he could be and not actually who he is this minute.

sorry i stoped reading after the "drinker" part, and whether you stay with current or not, DO NOT go for the drunk, big no no. hes a drinker and thats nothing good. you might still be in love with him but thats gota go sister. how old are you if you dont mind me asking>?

another thing, i wouldnt believe someone if they were hardcore drunks if all of a sudden they arent, no way in hoohass . if you have feelings for someone else , the other must knw, its a shitty feeling not knwing about something like that, trust me i know. so be honest with the man your with now, i dont recommend being in love with a drunk although you might not be able to control that but what is there to love? whats your idea of love?

i agree, stay with the current guy and let the past be the past...

I appreciate all the feed back, this obviously is a very important issue that I need to deal with, both emotionally and in honesty.
I will answer or face the issue of honesty with my current first, I think right now that is most important. Dealing with my emotions or feeling about the ex is and i believe shouldn't be my first priority perhaps.
again, thank you kindly and I hope nobody minds the possibility of my return here for advice again should i need it.

With all those great features and for how much you care for him love will build over time. Find some things for you two to go out and do that you both enjoy. Build this caring into love by sharing the things you love.

In my opinion, I think you should consider cutting the "good guy" loose too. It sounds like you're just using him. If you've been with him 8 months and have to even question what you should do about your drunkard ex, you probably don't belong in either relationship. Do your boyfriend a favor and let him find someone he'll be able to find a mutual relationship with.

You asked for "straightforward and honest."

I realize that what i wrote does sound as though i were using him, however i must say that truly i am not. We have a lot of mutual interests, we are very open about our relationship and completely honest to each other. He has since been told about my seeing the ex twice now. He was upset and mad, understandably so, but if i were using him in anyway i think i already would have ran into the arms of my ex.
During our talk he also informed me that he has found himself thinking back to his ex-girlfriend on occasion. Although he has not spoken to her, it's understood that feelings for those we were involved with prior, just dont turn off overnight, especially when the relationships we both had were over 3 years.
So in other words, we are together, we dont plan on ending our relationship for a trip through the past with the ex's..... it's difficult, but we are working on it and definitely not giving up on each other that easily.

You asked if you're bring selfish. Yes. You asked if you're wrong for not ending your current relationship. Yes.

You lie to the guy who you say is treating you well - and upset him - they guy who you say you don't love - so you can go spend time with the drunkard - the guy you say you do love. I suggest you don't participate in any relationships until you work out your own issues.

perhaps your right, but as the current boyfriend and i both came clean about our feelings, I think we are going to continue working on us before just giving up totally. This relationship is not something that i see ending just because the ex came back into my life, granted there are issues, but dealing with them openly and honestly with my current boyfriend is a step in the right direction, for both of us. As I said, he also has issues that he is working through, we just believe that we are strong together and will deal with it better together than if we were apart.
If what we agree'd on can be seen as selfish, well then yes, i guess we are.

How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

she already got two guys she has to bother about, also you're married!

Holy high-maintenance Batman! No offense to the OP or anything, but trust me... If I was looking, I wouldn't stop for this individual. Rest assured, the only reason for my curiosity about her age is to see if my suspicians/instincts are correct.

Why don't you just be the one in charge and keep them both on the side?

If your quoting Batman and Robin, I think you're too young to know the difference anyway. And you spelled suspicions wrong too.

not my business to judge someone for what they've wrote, however at least they are talking openly and dealing with their issues. Good luck to you.

In all honesty I agree with the opinions expressed by Rasczak. You have admitted that this is the second time you have gone through this emotional roller-coaster involving your ex and your current boyfriend. It sounds like you are not ready for a relationship at all and need to spend some time with yourself working out what you want out of life.

The truth is if you are happy with yourself and who you are then you wouldn't be having so many doubts about your relationships.

Good advice Gil. Unfortunately, too many people who go out looking for advice aren't really looking for advice at all, they are hoping for someone to encourage them to do what they really wanted to do in the first place.

Or they just want some attention.