This is kind of a sad touchy subject to me, at least.

The other day while tutoring the boy who likes to be tutored by me - the one that I speak so highly of, he was looking through his sister's folder - the girl who I mentor during her lunch period.

She has a book that she's been reading from time to time, part of her studying of Black History, which she likes to read about.

Anyway, her brother and I looked through the book a little. It was about the story of a once famous black woman who became a hair stylist - Madam C J Walker. He asked me was she still alive.

So I went to the back of the book and saw a timeline of her events from the time that she was born and found out that she IS dead. He then had ask me; "Why do people die?". I explained to him that it's uaually from becoming gravely ill or old age.

"Old age?", he asked. I told him yes, people, like animals and other things in life expire when they have lived close to a century or a little bit over. "What's a century?", he asked. "A period of 100 years", I said to him.

I explained to him "That sadly, people DO die just as people are born. But you don't have to worry about dying because you're in perfectly good health, and I know that you wouldn't do something that would put your life in danger, like smoking cigaretts or illegal drugs, or even alcohol. You're a very bright and intelligent young boy, and you want to live as long as you possibly can. And you will as long as you stay away from those bad things."

I then told him that the famous people who lived centuries ago, we are only able to READ about because they've all outlived their life expectencies and that modern medicine and modern medical science helps us to live much longer in this day & age than our ancestors and others did, which those things weren't around back then.

Then I said to him; "Can we change the conversation to something more pleasant, please?" "What does pleasant mean?", he asked. "Happier things - things that make you happy and cheerful", I explained to him. "Good, because I don't want to talk about that any more either", he gladly said.

But deep down, I was starting to tear up, thinking about friends & family members who have passed on. He noticed it and said; You're starting to cry." I told him then about the loss of my parents, cousins, friends and one of my brothers. "That's why I asked you if we could change the subject", I said to him. He apolligized. "I'm sorry that I made you cry", he said. I said to him; "It's not your fault. You've got nothing to apolligze for. It's alright You asked the question and I wanted you to know."

He said; "Thanks for letting me know about that. You really care about me." "Yes, I do", I told him. Then we talked about something much more pleasant. He likes to talk a lot, so I have so much fun with him and explaining things to him!!

Hi Daquan..
You know the bible speaks of us being created for Gods good pleasure..and in this we have life after death by free will of choice to serve him or not..Maybe it is that the bible speaks of more entering into a permanent death by way of Hell than way of Heaven. So often I have thought that is why he shortened life itself to 120 years..If you stop and think about it..eternal is that ongoing forever..this is the life after death..here it is but a vapor..as it truly begins to seem..So inform your little ones of the way to life..as it will be eternal for the after death. Give him something to look forward to besides finalization..because it is not final..death is not final. Creation assures of that God is real..but many will say otherwise..so one must seek the truth in the..but a vapor in life experience..



Sherri

I think I've given my little buddy the will and desire to want to live and be happy, I hope. Not that he was planning to die at all.

But he knocked me out practically, when he asked the question and I felt compelled to answer him the best way that I know how to. I just couldn't ignore his question. Didn't think that would be right to do that, when I'm there to help him.

Whether he has ever experienced losing a friend or a family member, I don't know. He didn't say. I think I remember him telling me that he and his family lost a dog once.

He's also very inquisitive about things he doesn't already know about. It's good that he asks and wants to know.

We almost got into a conversation about the birds and the bees, but it was in relation to animals. The book that we were reading was about the different spieces of birds - part of his desire to learn about animals, and the book IS at his age level, 8. He knows that birds hatch from eggs and that the mother must sit on them to keep them warm.

But he's stuck on the part of "How do the eggs get inside the mother?", "Where do babies come from?" or "How was I born?" Not the one to leave him in the dark without going into deep personal explaination, I just said; "Well, it's kind of like when your mom and dad met each other. They found out that they love each other very much, then your sisters and yourself were born."

I DID mention offspring to him and of course he wanted to know what it meant as well. I told him that it means children, like himself and his sisters.

This kid has gotten so deep into my heart that it's great to be able to help him with certain things. Maybe he feels uncomfortable asking these questions at home, I don't know. I'm not trying to pry at all into his personal affairs at home though.

I only know what he tells me what happens at home, and it's all been good things, nothing bad. But I sure would like to meet his parents and let them know that they have a very gifted well-mannered and bright young boy who loves to read and talk a lot!!

I want them to know that this boy is really nice and respectful!! He's not at all like the two who once attacked me and wanted to beat me up!

Ahh, Daquan everyone has a different spin on what Life is and why we die. I guess sometimes the body wears out, but when people die young I don't have an answer for that. I'm not a Christian though I believe in Ancestral Gods and stuff.

My life up to the age of 18 was crap. My oldest brother, Ronald (he was eighteen years my senior)was killed in Belgium, in the Second World War - He was a Sapper in the Army - he was 21. My youngest brother David, died of Whooping Cough, when I was five. My Mother dies of Abdominal Carcinoma when I was thirteen. Prior to that, she was at home screaming for release - so those last six months were very traumatic. My father got Loblar Pneumonia when I was fourteen, and had no will to live and died...I also had a best friend, Keith - we were lovers and we went to a football game and the ball was kicked offside and hit Keith on the head and he died of a massive Cerebral Haemmorage. My twin brother Harold, joined the army when he was eighteen (I tried to join too but was rejected cos of my asthma). He went to Cyprus and was lost on Maneuveres. You've heard elsewhere things that have happened to me. I wouldn't say I was unlucky, since I'm still alive, but it's taught me to overcome tragedy and look for a reason for everything...


I do sometimes get sad and miss people whov'e gone and yes, I cry my eyes out - but try and do it alone. I hurt a lot inside.

I try to be happy and help other people.


terabyte

At times, I've cried a little in front of this boy. It's only because, like yourself, I've lost loved ones as well.

When he asked me why do people die, I was surprised, but I had to answer him the best way I could. But I think I brightened things up by telling him that sometimes people do things to themselves that make them die a whole lot sooner, like doing illeagal drugs, suicide, alcoholism and stuff like that.

And wouldn't you guess that he wanted to know what suicide meant also, so I told him. Then I said to him that as long as he doesn't do any of those things, that he'll live a very, very, very long and happy life.

When he hit me with the question, I started to cry after telling him about dying. He wanted to know why I was crying and I told him that I lost loved ones in my family. He gave me a hug and and offered his condolences. "Sorry to hear that." he said. I thanked him for that.

My mom and dad died, my grandmother on my mom's side and I also lost one of my brothers to diabetes and alcoholism. He was only 43! Out of the nine, he was the closest brother to me. He would always talk me into coming down to SC to visit him and his wife, and I'd hop on a plane and go down there to see them and stay for over a week!!

mm. We share tragedy too. My mother in law was a very good woman and never did anything against me. So she was not typical of some Mothers in Law.. Now at 81 she has dementia, and it is wearing us down with the phone calls like what time is it? then five minutes later she would phone again. Two days ago she phoned us at 3am in the morning and was arguing about what day it was. We didn't know it would change a person's personality like it has done for her. She has infarq Dementia - brought on by blood clots in the brain destroying different areas of the brain - its described as mini-strokes, so I guess its non self-healing like a normal stroke.


This is why I am not on often. I'm trying to be a counselor as well as comforter when my wife is not here at home. Man! the stress gets bad but without my meditation I don't know what I would do.


It's great that you have a Young Friend who understands (or tries to) what your going through. That's unusual in some young guys. You are very lucky.

terabyte

It is often very difficult to deal with and is painful to watch because you don't really know what to do, and you are at times helpless.

I got a friend whose mom also has dementia, and it is wearing HIM down as well. And it DOES kind of involve a small series of mini strokes. She has falen several times.

She just came home last Tuseday from the nursing home. It hasn't even been a week yet, and he's not liking what he sees. He thinks that she's going on the deep end again because she's started back talking the same stuff that she was talking before she was admitted into the hospital.

She now calls him is DAD'S name. She can't remember my name half the time, and she's had illusions, saying that wires are coming out of the ceiling and that something is coming up from the carpet. Things have gotten so bad that she now needs a live-in assistant for 24-hour care so that she doesn't endanger herself by getting into trouble around the house, like trying to go upstairs or out of the house alone.

She says constantly, that the care taker is trying to murder (poison) her and is steeling her clothes! He told me that he thinks she might end up back in the nursing home, and that once that happens, he's not letting her come back home.

That sounds about right - and being screamed at for nothing really makes you feel so low - and you got to take it cos she's sick in the head, and try and be a counselor and bring her down gently... afterward you feel like a wrung out wash-leather - but love is what you have and that is what you try to give.


terabyte

Yeah, it's so sad at times.

I don't really need to tell you this Daquan, since I think you know about Counseling already with your young charge. You seem to be a very caring person - like most counselors I know, are.


Don't you worry yourself too much about 'Kevmartin's' comments, he has one perception of what what makes a person a disabled person. You have yours.

Incidentally, if you cannot work (for whatever medical reason) you need to claim for your disability in order to get money to put food on your table - a bit like our National Health Service and how the local government dole out Sick money to people who can't work - for whatever reason.


People don't get better if they are starving cos there's no food on the table - Which is why the USA is crying out for a Democratic Party, again. The Shrub is all for the bussiness person and the congressman - not for Joe Bloggs in the street.


I hope Macain doesn't win the nomination, cos he was a old soldier and I get the feeling he would send every young American into a war that can't easily be won - and no one wants to see their boys used as Cannon-fodder!

terabyte

Thank you.

My young charge - or my little buddy as I always like to call him, cares about me an awful lot as well. He sometimes himself, makes me cry at times mainly because he makes me wish a lot and so badly that I was his dad or at least his uncle or godson!! Especially after he told me that I remind HIM of HIS dad!!

He's so sweet, kind and caring as well!! Next month, all of us who do the tutoring / mentoring / volunteer work at his school must attend a welcome-back meeting. We will be introduced to our new program coordinator who will also be working at the school with us.

I'm practically certain that we will be asked if we want to tutor and mentor the same kids again that we tutored last season, and I WILL DEFINITELY throw my nsme in the hat and ask for this boy back again as long as he's still in the program, which I'm sure that he still IS, along with the others that I worked with. I especially want him back working with me. If someone else tutors him, I'll be heartbroken!! So I got to move very quickly and put him high on my list of children that I want to tutor again!!

I even have a councilor myself at Mass Rehab! I'm pretty much all set for now, foodwise. I WILL however, apply for fuel assistance in October, because fuel bills are so ridiculous in the winter!!

Not worried about Kevmartin though. I've got my OWN opinion on things such as Sherman, the boy who is in prison.

Yeah, McCain is another Bush!! If he wins the presidency, then it'll be just like Bush never even left!!! They both want the young boys over there in Iraq and then they get friggen killed!!!
Eight years is more than enough. Hopefully the Dems and Obama will win this year and start pulling the troops out of Iraq!!

I got a nephew who is assigned there from time to time, and if, God forbid, anything bad happens to him, then I'd be so heartbroken!!