Dear living organisms,

We would like to inform you that every thing on this planet with at least one living cell, has infringed on a patent covered by me.

My patent covers any thing with at least one living cell, which performs the act of living.

Viruses and other semi-living organisms are not exempt from this patent, but they can apply for a small discount.

License rates are available at the cost of $1,000,000 per nanosecond. And every nanosecond you take to buy a license costs $3,000,000.

Failure to comply will eventually result in immediate death.
You may contact me for further details about licensing requirements.

-Ahmad

Dear Ahmed

We have seen this coming for a long time. Consequently, we have set an open portfolio of patents in case the situation arose of which you are proposing. Please note that amongst our collective patents is oxygen. Therefore, if you press ahead with your legalities to sue, we will countersue for your illegal use of oxygen.

See you in court.


signed

Collective Society for the Protection of Living Organisms

I have a patent on that air you're breathing, so give me my money.

Sorry, I have a patent on written communication of any kind (paper, internet, etc), so you all owe me.

WOW! The OP owes you a lot!

Not as much as he owes me, because his father,mother,grandfather,grandmother, and every mother and father he has still owes me. So his patent can only go so far


Extreme Coder

I am looking forward to being sued! I have a existing patent on money. The standard licensing cost is $2 for ever $1 transaction.

None of your methods to try to beat me will work. I have a PhD in spreading FUD to living organisms all over the world.
All your base belong to us(or rather me).

well, sad thing is, ive got a patent on god...so um...yeah that covers all religion..wait, that means someone wants to assassinate me..um...correction, my goldfish has a patent on god and gives me all the money, what a generous fish.

I'm still trying to work out what EC means by:

Its the conjunction of "eventually" and "immediate" I'm having trouble with.

I assume he has a patent on the concept.

Yes,indeed, you have thought correctly. I have a patent on mis-using eventually and immediate in the same phrase. I shall remove the confusing phrase from the original letter for other living organisms as not to confuse their tiny brains.
Aubrey, for the great job of thinking of the letter I wrote, thee shall get a 1% discount on the license rates, on only one condition: You're not a member of socialdiscussions.com, and you don't know what the word Linux means.

I have a patent on the letter "A". Every time you use the letter "A" you must pay me. If you do not agree to these terms you may not use the letter "A" anymore.

I'm sorry i've only layed my eye on this post as late as now.

I'm here to inform you that i have gained patent on the well known BIG BANG and the various side effects, directly or indirectly that this event may have caused, such as spreading of electrons, neutrons, dark and light matter.



Also the koncept of time, is in my jurisdiction!



I'm sorry to be rude, but cough up some $ people

I want to voice my support for ECs brilliant patent claim. I will be paying my debt forthwith in the following manner.

I have patented death and dead matter as well as reserved the copyright on any term which implies the same. I will be charging the same rate as ECs life-patent as this seems equitable. EC, please take your share of my life due out of your payment to me for the duration you will be expired. If you pay w/in thirty days I will forgo the payment for the duration before your birth.

Everyone else, please forward payments to Grimm Thanatos at 666 Pale Rider Way, Washington DC, 55555.

I am delighted to inform the universe that i have a patent on all brains. Any use of the forenamed item encours a £1,000,000 fine. Lisences can be bought by paying the United Goverment of Brainpower the anual fee of £99,000,000 or by submtting the forenamed item (brain) to our network of social controls.


Sincerly the UGB

justified,

My sincerest of apologies, but the patenting organization which you went to to initiate your patent on the brain did not clearly evaluate their entire database, as I had patented the brain (both the 10%-side and the 90%-side)many years ago in preparation for this event to take place.

Just keep this in mind, that while you are thinking of each word in this extensive posting, there is a fee for each thought (regardless of the thought-relativity) which enters into your mind, and the minds of anyone else.

I accept payments via all major credit cards, checks, money orders...but I give a small discount (two free thoughts) if payment si made in cash within the first second of the first day fo each week.

Also, just because I have a patent on the brain, this does not restrict me from making typographical errors.

Thank you.

I would like to announce that any patenters of major ideas like using the brain, Big Bang, death and letter "A" that would like to do a deal in which we cancel both's charges are welcome.

I'll think about it. Doesn't cost me anything to think, so I can do it as much as I'd like.

I welcome you all to write me an email to sue me, because I have a patent on pressing the send button. Just send me a mail and I will sue you

I am sorry to inform you all, but I have a patent on heat, and the lack there of, so if you in anyway interact with temperature you have violated my patent. In actuality the universe has violated my patent, so basically, you are all screwed. Have a nice day, and see you in court.

You know, if there is a God (i say this since some people don't believe in God) he could be like "Guess what! I was here before all of you, and therefor I have a patent on everything you have claimed a patent, so basically, you all lose, all your base are belong to me, and not just your base, you patents too!"