As i said, its been almost 5 years now, it took about 2/3 years to find myself again and work through these issues that haunted me for so long, and I have done remarkably well in doing so. I am the happiest i've ever been and moving forward.


Hey Puter..I understand this fully, it does take time to heal and one must do it alone ( away from any other committed relationships ) in order to get somewhere back between normal/sane..

You know, back in 1990..when I myself landed in the hospital..I remember asking God for death a week before this..I was more than serious..well he allowed me to go through an unrelenting experience..I have recovered..

Gosh..I would have left my babies with that monster, so I do understand how one can arrive to a place of no hope what-so-ever..truly I do..

Time is a great healer, we learn so much more and become better people if we allow ourselves to come under an umbrella of love seeking help from others..I cant fathom being called names again or physically get plowed when not expecting it..why do we always hope the best when it is clear nothing will change, I saw a young woman in the store the other day..she looked just like I did, big balck eye, I wanted to grab her and say..honey he aint worth it and he isnt going to change...

I told my husband about it later and he said, how do you know the door didnt hit her..I said trust me I know..and that would have been my excuse..

You see someone said this to me but it took me a time to wake up and realize that the marriage was no longer a suitable path for my children and me..

Puter dont you let your ex's heart attack ever be in your minds eye that it was your fault..time did this damage to him..look..you lost your lil baby..how awful could that have been..wow 6 months..I surely feel for you..but dont you worry, the baby is now with Jesus..in this we can rejoice..but you owe your husband nothing..no apologies nothing..I still work on forgiving my ex so it doesnt ruin my day when depression strikes and old wounds seem to open back up and throw me into a tailspin. I have a hard time with it all, but that was then and this is now..I have finally passed 12 years of the first marriage and now 13 in the second..for me this is a good thing..a very good thing. They say it takes the same amount of years to heal as what damage has been done in an abusive marriage.. wow!!

Sherri