just to answer a few of the pm's, think this will help with all...
The current man and I have been over a year now. As I wasn't too sure of where I was in life at the time we met, it took 6 times of him asking me out before I agreed to lunch, so really didnt jump in with both feet.

As for the ex, possible that there isn't full closure, perhaps with him, but for me there is, finally. And yes, I considered meeting with and talking to him face to face on several issues, in fact had the opportunity many times. Also considered writing to him and listing all the issues. But I never did either, and thankfully so. The last time we spoke was right before the new year, and it was then that i realized, he really has no recollection of our past, literally. He may know a few things, but thats it. And no, I don't feel that it was a waste in my life. In fact the 3 or 4 months that we spent together when he tried to sober up was the best time in our relationship, and its what reminds me of who he really is, not what he is when he's drunk.
The way I see it, I don't think im making excuses for his drinking, nor am I ignoring what happened during that time. But I too had a responsibility to not only myself, to the relationship, but to him. I am not a drinker, I had the option of either staying with him, or leaving the situation after it kept going back and forth. So I own this one. I chose to stay and work it out. Perhaps believing that I could change him in time. And knowing full well that it always went back to the drinking, as still is today, I now chose to keep my distance. He is full aware of my wish to talk to him about the past, but only now, when and if he wants to. He has ways in which he can contact me, I don't see the need any longer to continue to push something on him that in his mind didn't exist.