Hi all,

Usually, I'm not a person who would post to an online forum asking for advice for a personal matter, but I have found that this forum has level-headed people who can discuss issues more maturely. Besides, I am in need of the perspective of a disinterested, third-party observer.

Well, to start off, about two months ago, I met a seemingly charming, talkative, engaging man from India, and he just started talking to me, matter-of-factly, as if we were old friends. I am usually shy when I meet new people, but this guy somehow got me to talk from the very start. Although I am only 17, I like to talk about serious things that are happening in the world, politics, culture, religion, etc., and he tapped into that hidden interest. That first day, he invited me over to his apartment. Usually, because of how my parents taught me to be wary of strangers, especially men, I refuse to go to strangers' homes, but his charm and conversation brought my guard down, and I accepted his invitation. He introduced me to his roommate and his other Indian (mostly male) friends who live nearby. There, in his apartment, we engaged in a lot of conversation, and I innocently thought that this was just the beginning of a great friendship, and nothing else. On that very day in his apartment, he used the worn phrase "It seems that we have known each other for a long time, even though we just met," and he asked me to kiss him, even though I specifically told him that I was a minor. He used some kind of warped logic and spirituality to try to explain why he made such a request. I should have been alert by then of his intentions. He created an image of himself as a responsible, caring, talented, smart, phD student. At the time, I didn't ask his age, but I later found out that he is at least 30. But looking at the bright side, we do share some interests, and he helped introduce me to a wider circle of friends (I had before been kind of closeted at home, and had very few, if any, friends), and gave me advice as a good friend, as to how to approach life, and we always have very interesting conversations.

This is really complex, because he is still a (not-anymore-close) friend, but it is today that I have fully realized his true intentions, and reflected on how his past actions revealed what he really wanted with me. I realized that he wants nothing more than sex from me. He is the kind of guy who could use some of his virtues to help his vices: he can sometimes be brutally frank, and he told me several times that he wants me more than just a friend. He knows, though, because I told him directly, that I don't like him more than just a friend. I can't blame him for being honest, but along the way, the initial respect I held for him is almost entirely gone. The image I had of him is now almost completely shattered. He even almost had my mom in his trap of charm, and she, actually, had considered that it would be a good idea for me to develop a long-term relationship with him, because he would be a very caring, responsible, faithful, husband, and have so many qualities that are hard to come by in men.

However, I now finally know the real side of him. I found out, from him directly, that he occasionally smokes and takes drugs, including marijuana and LSD, and he had the audacity to smoke in front of me. He is sleeping with one of my friends, or rather, more of an acquaintance (for the purposes of the discussion, let's call her Susan), and he told it to me openly. At least in that respect, he does have enough honesty to say it to me. However, he hasn't told me the other things he has done. It is from Susan's roommate that I happened to know that he is dishonestly telling Susan that I am after him, creating false competition between us. He is also going about telling his friends that I am after sex or that I am an easy catch, and that when I turn eighteen, they can start hitting on me. Who does he think I am, a whore? I thought that true friends shared secrets, helped each other, and did not go about spreading rumors. Due to my lack of experience, I before didn't realize the extent to which he had brainwashed me, but now I am in the know. I didn't realize how he has played me into his trap.

I have had with him a friendship with benefits. We had been, so far, very honest with each other, and we have talked about all kinds of things, including sex and relationships. We even watched several educational movies about sex, and even some porn, without going all the way to having sex. I have always told him "no" to sex, but he has had a really hard time respecting that. I did kiss him once, but just for the first kiss experience and nothing else. On several crazy occassions, he masturbated in front of me, and then swore me to secrecy. He used the excuse that all this was for giving me experience into men, and that as a special friend, he was doing this for me without asking anything in return. I guess I must have been so naive then as to believe him. Later, when I told him that I liked someone else, he said, "go ahead, get the experience, but I'll fuck someone else too." I also noticed that even though I was with him, he was flirting with other women, even at such unlikely places as the Dairy Queen and the bus stop. That was when I started to realize that this guy was actually a womanizer, a wolf in sheep's clothing. And what is even more ironic, his Indian friends call him "babaji" or saint. Sometimes I think life is too complex for mere mortals like me to understand, much less for a seventeen-year-old.

I'm sorry if this sounds confused or rambling, but I needed to tell someone outside my immediate family how I feel, and seek advice as to what to do about this. My mom recommends I continue my friendship with him, as he is still a good person to chat with and to give me advice, so long as nothing gets personal between us. I still feel that I could be his friend, but a lot less close friend, because he hasn't been as honest or trustworthy as he seemed. I do not want to completely burn my bridges, either, because he is very advanced in his field, and he could always be there to give me academic advice in my own degree. He himself told me that he doesn't want to hurt me intentionally, that he, himself, would like to be on a more professional level with me. I think I may still believe him, even through all this betrayal of trust. I am worried about my image with his friends. I told some of them that I would like to celebrate my birthday party with them, but now I am not so sure, because of what their intentions might be, with the rumors he spread. On the other hand, I don't think my dad and my mom would have a party for my birthday, because my dad, especially, is very strict. So, it would be better to spend my birthday with friends, but they have to be friends that I can absolutely trust. But with this experience of finding out that my once-best friend betrayed my trust, it is hard to trust anyone anymore.

I would truly appreciate any of your sincere advice.