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Originally Posted by belay  Background: me and my girlfriend have been together for about 6 months now. and for some odd reason i havnt ever been able to completely trust her. she has a drug past, but has stopped them(trust me there).
we were seeing each other on the side and not telling anyone and didnt really consider ourselves "together" for a month or so. then we finally decided to become a "couple" and tell everyone. once we were both in agreement to date, is when i consider our relationship starting.
she tells me she loves me etc, and has ALWAYS told me she never really liked her past boyfriends, but told 1 of them she did love them to make them shut up and stop asking her(which i dont really believe). when i would bring up her past with this said boyfriend she would alwasy get EXTREMELY offended and tell me to stfu, or just refuse to talk about it.
current situation: well me and her post on forums alot(or she used to) and i was bored bigging around my forums on my old post's. then decided to get on her forums and look around. i then found a thread that was made about 2-3 weeks after we were together and its her ranting on her old boyfriend(one she refuses to talk to me about) on how hes an ass, and he "really did love" her and all that jazz. so question number one is:
should i even feel negative about that thread in anyway, is it wrong of me to get offended? |
I would say, from reading your posts, your feelings are not a choice. Your feelings seem to be reactionary. There is no way for anyone else to tell you how you should feel, or even what is right or wrong in what offends you. I will point out that according to what you wrote above, you have trust issues (you are checking her posts on forums). That is quite normal for guy's who have witnessed strained relationships between parents however. Females usually have abandonment issues and fears (assuming you both live in a western culture).
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Originally Posted by belay now to continue, in our almost 7 month relationship, there isnt much i would say she has done for me...at all. she called me at 2am one night and asked if i would see her because she just missed me(did nothing physical, told her i wasnt in the mood). other than that, she always tries to tell me she loves me, and to be honest, ive never felt she actually DOES. now for my second question:
when asking her about "us", and being dead serious, and she changes the subject literally everytime and wont go back to it, would that anger you? |
It does not matter if it angers anyone but you. I am reluctant to speak to you about her. Lets try to focus on you.
Look, the two of you are young people attempting to live adult lives. I commend you for your endeavor to do this right. Love is not a switch people turn on and off. Love is a choice! It happens when people learn to respect and admire one another over a period of time after self respect and self admiration have been achieved.
“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly”
Sam Keen
Young people like yourself unconsciously attempt to secure your unmet needs from others who represent people who have been unable to supply those needs in your youth.
You can heal those wounds by learning to provide your own needs. There may come a time when you might want to confront (in a respectful fashion), your parents and possibly older siblings and talk about how you've been unintentionally hurt by them in the course of life.
You sound like a fine young man, and I am sure you will find your way through if you search hard enough. Everyone in this thread has given good advice worth considering, and as you can plainly see, are themselves decent people who have been where you are in one aspect or another.
The both of you are at an age that is sooo difficult. Relax, hold tight and keep looking for answers. All of which lie within you to uncover.