Well, it finally happened. Only it went much better than expected and it wasn't planned, I think that is what made it easier to talk openly.
He is well and still residing in Oregon, not currently dating, but seems happy 'trolling' for girls, his words not mine! In any case, he did have knowledge of my boyfriend, however thought it was someone totally different. When he learned that it was not this person he dislikes, he seemed at ease and wished me all the happiness i could stand.
As for the other factors in our breakup, or really just the one, he understands that feelings are not something you should be able to turn on and off like a switch, and has forgiven me for not being able to commit myself to him totally at the time. He also accepted some of the problem as he knew where my heart remained when we were together but figured i'd learn to love him in time.
It was a good talk and my current honey was very supportive with everything.