"Personally I think life is nasty, brutal and short"
...
"What help believing in fairy stories is I have never figured out."

Perhaps these views are related?

Fairy stories like religions all explore ideas - meanings. Depending on the meanings you give events in your life, and your life itself, you can have wildly different experiences.

Consider that your beliefs may be creating your experiences. Right now, you think your experiences are creating your beliefs. In fact, both may be the case.