Taoism
Shit happens.

Confucianism
Confucius says: "Shit happens".

Calvinism
Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Buddhism
If shit happens, it really isn't shit.

Seventh Day Adventism
Õz¤ trayãßñÞ Smith Ÿkhul ƒ¥šoñcøß (transl.: No shit on Saturdays).

Zen
What is the sound of silent shit happening quietly?

Hedonism
There's nothing like a good shit happening.

Hinduism
This shit happened before, it is the same and different and absolutely perfect.

Mormon
This shit, son of shit and shit, will give birth to shit, shit and shit.

Islam
If shit happens, it is the holy will of Allah the Unique, the Almighty, the Merciful - al Abdullillah !

Moonies
Only happy shit really happens.

Stoicism
This shit is not bad for me.

Protestantism
Let the shit happen to someone else.

Catholicism
Shit happens because you are SINNERS.

Hare Krishna
Shit happens rama rama. Shit happens rama rama. Shit happens rama rama.

Judaism
Why does this shit always happen to us and ONLY to us!?!?

Zoroastrianism
Shit happens half the time.

Christian Science
My shit is in your mind and your money is in my bank account.

Atheism
No shit, no trouble.

Existentialism
What is shit anyway? And who am I to ask?

Rastafarianism
Let's smoke this shit.