Crimson Tears

I see crimson everywhere
a life-draining creature
destroying bing its sole purpose
hurting being its sole pleasure
at first it was just a release
now i relize its me
as i begin to measure
6...7...8....
9 drops
9 tears
9 glisenting,
monsterous, glorious,
painful, gainful
beautiful crimson tears
slowly slipping
world tipping away
life-ruiner
self-abuser
so many names i can relate
now chosen, no longer chosser

a choice was mine
but given up
given away
like a bride on her wedding day
like its something to parade
but its not
because i'm an addict
i'm dead to my drug
my pain is my pleasure
my only option is pain in this case
and since when is only one option a choice?
like expecting a chours,
but hearing one voice
one solitary sad voice
playing over and over in my head
screaming "what happened?"
what once lived, now is dead

they say a picture is worth a thousand words
and as i stare at my fleshy canvas and hold my metal brush
i can't help but think
"what will i paint today?"